The language we use in everyday life both represents and impacts how we experience our world. We attempt to capture thoughts, ideas and to describe what we see around us using words. Inevitably, things get "lost in translation".  We lose information through "Generalisations", "Deletion" of information and "Cognitive Distortion". Distortion is where some aspects of ideas and experiences are given more weight and focus than others. We all do this both consciously and unconsciously, and how we do this provides pointers to our underlying beliefs about ourselves, others and the world. 




​Here is a list of the Top 10 Cognitive Distortions:
Which of these do you do? Check the areas below that you might like to discuss with your Life Coach.

1. All or Nothing Thinking: Seeing things as black-or-white, right-or-wrong with nothing in between. Essentially, if I'm not perfect then I'm a failure.
   I didn't finish writing that paper so it was a complete waste of time.
   There's no point in playing if I'm not 100% in shape.
   They didn't show, they’re completely unreliable!
2. Overgeneralization: Using words like always, never in relation to a single event or experience.
   I'll never get that promotion
   She always does that…
3. Minimizing or Magnifying (Also Catastrophizing):  Seeing things as dramatically more or less important than they actually are. Often creating a "catastrophe" that follows.
   Because my boss publicly thanked her she'll get that promotion, not me (even though I had a great performance review and just won an industry award).
   I forgot that email! That means my boss won't trust me again, I won't get that raise and my wife will leave me.
4. "Shoulds": Using "should", "need to", "must", "ought to" to motivate oneself, then feeling guilty when you don't follow through (or anger and resentment when someone else doesn't follow through).
   I should have got the painting done this weekend.    
   They ought to have been more considerate of my feelings, they should know that would upset me.
5. Labelling: Attaching a negative label to yourself or others following a single event.
   I didn't stand up to my co-worker, I'm such a wimp!
   What an idiot, he couldn't even see that coming!
6. Mind-Reading: Making negative assumptions about how people see you without evidence or factual support.
   Your friend is preoccupied and you don't bother to find out why. You're thinking: 
   She thinks I'm exaggerating again    or    
   He still hasn't forgiven me for telling Fred about his illness.
7. Fortune Telling: Making negative predictions about the future without evidence or factual support
   I won't be able to sell my house and I'll be stuck here (even though housing market is good).
   No-one will understand. I won't be invited back again (even though they are supportive friends).
8. Discounting the Positive: Not acknowledging the positive. Saying anyone could have done it or insisting that your positive actions, qualities or achievements don't count… 
   That doesn't count, anyone could have done it.    
   I've only cut back from smoking 40 cigarettes a day to 10. It doesn't count because I've not fully given up yet. 
9. Blame & Personalization:    Blaming yourself when you weren't entirely responsible or blaming other people and denying your role in the situation
   If only I was younger, I would have got the job        
   If only I hadn't said that, they wouldn't have…
   If only she hadn't yelled at me, I wouldn't have been angry and wouldn't have had that car accident.
10. Emotional Reasoning: I feel, therefore I am. Assuming that a feeling is true - without digging deeper to see if this is accurate.
    I feel such an idiot (it must be true).
    I feel guilty (I must have done something wrong).
    I feel really bad for yelling at my partner, I must be really selfish and inconsiderate.
11. Mental Filter: Allowing (dwelling on) one negative detail or fact to spoil our enjoyment, happiness, hope etc.
    You have a great evening and dinner at a restaurant with friends, but your chicken was undercooked and that spoiled the whole evening.

The scariest part of a roller coaster ride is being next in line.  It is at that very moment that you can still walk away.  Similar to counseling, the scariest part is making the call and coming in for the first time.  Once you have made the commitment to begin the process, it not only gets easier but can also become enjoyable.  Always remember that everything you do today was unfamiliar and scary at one time before.

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Most people call for counseling when they are feeling stuck. Things are neither moving in a positive or negative direction.  It is at this very moment that 2 things must take place. You must be willing to let go of the thing that is keeping you stuck and at the same time put some faith into something completely unfamiliar. I like to use the metaphor of Tarzan.  He swings in the jungle from vine to vine and at any given moment he is holding a vine in one hand that supported him and he trusted, while in the other hand, he is holding a vine he never held before and is unfamiliar with. The only way for him to continue his journey forwards is to let go of the one that got him to that place and trust that something he never held before will support him in his journey.  People are tremendous creates of habit, both good and bad ones.  Change will only come from letting go of habits that you have become experts at and allowing yourself to do things differently and unfamiliar.  In essence, you must trust yourself and know that for change to take place, you cannot be an expert in something you never experienced before.   You must also be willing to put shame and guilt aside as the people who taught you these old behaviors are either people you loved or were a part of your upbringing.  Change can always happen, if you let it.

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